06/11/2007 by DiBot
+ We need = I want
+ It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
+ Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
+ We need to talk = I need to complain
+ Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to
+ I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
+ You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
+ You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
+ I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve got my period
+ Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
+ This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
+ I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
+ I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
+ Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
+ I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
+ Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
+ How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going
+ I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
+ Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
+ You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
+ Are you listening to me!? = (Too late, you’re dead.)
+ Yes = No
+ No = No
+ Maybe = No
+ I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
+ Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to
+ Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he
goes to sleep.
+ I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
+ All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re
stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at
a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and
did you bring your checkbook?